According to The Huffington Post, Jake Pavelka, the fastidiously groomed and often shirtless “Bachelor” from Season 14 of the show of the same title, has been revealed as a man with “gay tendencies” by other contestants from the hit show from completely different seasons who barely know him.
“I think he has gay potential and definitely gay tendencies,” a bachelorette from Season 12 said.
It’s hard to argue with a nameless woman who may never have met Jake. And the news gets worse from there.
Paul Rosseau, who appeared on Season 4 of The Bachelorette, agrees.
“I definitely think he has gay tendencies, not only because of the way he dresses but also because he didn’t want to have sex with a beautiful girl and never really tried with the other girls on the show,” he told Radar. “Nothing personal, Jake!”
If these rumors from people Jake has never met are true, it would explain his deviation from the show’s award-winning formula. Normally, the Bachelor is expected to whore it up with 25 women at once as television crews record every sleazy moment before narrowing it down to two women. He then sleeps with both in a 48 hour time frame — in their parents’ homes if possible — before selecting one arbitrarily and proposing to her while the smell of her rival’s sex still clings to his naked man-flesh.
According to Jakes “fiancée” Vienna, Jake refused to have premarital sex with her on multiple occasions, claiming he was tired, he didn’t feel like it and that he preferred to wait for marriage.
The Bachelor is a great example of the esteem with which Americans hold the holy institution of marriage. It is a sacred bond between a man, a woman, the 24 other women he just banged and a television audience numbering in the millions. If the completely unsubstantiated rumors that Jake is gay turn out to be true, it would make not only Jake’s sham of an engagement less sacred, but it would also cast doubt on the previous 13 contestants’ fake marriage proposals and sham relationships.
Added yet another person who probably never met Jake and refused to even give her name:
“Vienna told me, ‘I don’t think Jake is into girls,’” a friend of Vienna’s told Radar.
A damning piece hearsay from another unnamed source. The “facts” are incontrovertible: Jake Pavelka couldn’t be more gay if he quit the show to play Miranda in a cross-dressing stage production of Sex in the City.