Bachelor revealed to have “gay tendencies”

According to The Huffington Post, Jake Pavelka, the fastidiously groomed and often shirtless “Bachelor” from Season 14 of the show of the same title, has been revealed as a man with “gay tendencies” by other contestants from the hit show from completely different seasons who barely know him.

“I think he has gay potential and definitely gay tendencies,” a bachelorette from Season 12 said.

It’s hard to argue with a nameless woman who may never have met Jake. And the news gets worse from there.

Paul Rosseau, who appeared on Season 4 of The Bachelorette, agrees.

“I definitely think he has gay tendencies, not only because of the way he dresses but also because he didn’t want to have sex with a beautiful girl and never really tried with the other girls on the show,” he told Radar. “Nothing personal, Jake!”

If these rumors from people Jake has never met are true, it would explain his deviation from the show’s award-winning formula. Normally, the Bachelor is expected to whore it up with 25 women at once as television crews record every sleazy moment before narrowing it down to two women. He then sleeps with both in a 48 hour time frame — in their parents’ homes if possible — before selecting one arbitrarily and proposing to her while the smell of her rival’s sex still clings to his naked man-flesh.

According to Jakes “fiancée” Vienna, Jake refused to have premarital sex with her on multiple occasions, claiming he was tired, he didn’t feel like it and that he preferred to wait for marriage.

The Bachelor is a great example of the esteem with which Americans hold the holy institution of marriage. It is a sacred bond between a man, a woman, the 24 other women he just banged and a television audience numbering in the millions. If the completely unsubstantiated rumors that Jake is gay turn out to be true, it would make not only Jake’s sham of an engagement less sacred, but it would also cast doubt on the previous 13 contestants’ fake marriage proposals and sham relationships.

Added yet another person who probably never met Jake and refused to even give her name:

“Vienna told me, ‘I don’t think Jake is into girls,’” a friend of Vienna’s told Radar.

A damning piece hearsay from another unnamed source. The “facts” are incontrovertible: Jake Pavelka couldn’t be more gay if he quit the show to play Miranda in a cross-dressing stage production of Sex in the City.

About John Marcotte

John Marcotte is a firm believer in traditional family values. He currently opposes government-funded death panels, Obama talking to children and MSNBC's entire prime-time line-up.
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12 Responses to Bachelor revealed to have “gay tendencies”

  1. patti says:

    so…because he’s not a ho, he must be gay? yep…that’s a sure giveaway.

  2. djinny says:

    His refusal to get herpes from any of the 25 women throwing themselves at him is weakening my marriage.

  3. Celeste says:

    And Joe Francis of “Girls Gone Wild” fame, who is clearly NOT attempting to overcompensate for any latent homosexual urges, has just announced his engagement to another television personality. I just know that union will stand the test of time. Some time. A few months, maybe.

    • Bree says:

      I think Joe Francis is an ass but I can agree with what he is quoted as saying….”We have chosen to have a civil domestic partnership because we don’t believe it’s appropriate to be married until our gay and lesbian friends are afforded the same rights as us to legally marry in the United States,” said 37-year-old Joe Francis

  4. Bernadette says:

    He’s obviously gay.

    He may be in the closet, but he’s gay, nonetheless

  5. It’s obvious that this man’s inability to impregnate a dozen of these women out of wedlock is proof that he is of the homosexualist persuasion. And that is why my 10-year marriage is now falling apart and why I’ve been thrown into the arms of a jezebel 20 years younger than me.

    Why do teh gays make me sin so?

  6. Re: Jake, John writes:
    “The Bachelor is a great example of the esteem with which Americans hold the holy institution of marriage.”

    Not sure what “the holy institution of marriage” means to many Americans under 50.

    As a justice of the peace, I perform non-religious civil marriage ceremonies mostly in rural Litchfield County, CT. Some of the couples have been together for 20, 30 and 45 years.

    And last year summer after CT legalized marriage equality in late 2008, couples from around the country came to CT to wed where they spent long weekends with their families and friends.

    Onward to full civil and marriage equality rights in 21st century America.
    Onward, Joe Mustich & Ken Cornet, Justices of the Peace,
    Washington, Connecticut, USA.

    And kudos to Argentina, and many other countries, cities and states around the world for supporting marriage equality.

  7. Wilma/(William) says:

    I like to say it’s just another day in Paradox! I am a male married to another (homosexual) male legally in the state of California, where it is illegal to be married as a homosexual couple. Every day the first thought in my mind when I wake up is “how can I tear away at the fabric of traditional marriage a little more today”? If my marriage was traditional I would be ruthless at destroying it as well but since it’s not legal here in California I barely raise an eyebrow if somebody mentions it. Chant with me! “Must destroy traditional marriage”! “Must destroy traditional marriage”! “Must destroy traditional marriage”! Excellent, now lets talk about paint color and hair styles!

  8. Walker says:

    I can only hope you all are right.

  9. that’s “Mustich” sorry for misspelling. Onward.

  10. David says:

    Who cares if he is gay, he could be wanting to wait for marriage but I doubt he’s a virgin. I also have to applaud the porno article above.
    He’s atleast metro sexual as he washes and cares how he looks.

  11. D.L. Shields says:

    I never watch the show because I find it to be rediculous and unbelievable. However I must say that every time I have seen him in interviews and commercials, my first thought was always, “That dude is SO FREAKIN GAY, I’ll bet if I had the chance I could get down his pants then he’d have to marry ME”! Of coarse we’d have to travel to another state where it would be legal, but I’d bet my reputation that once he has a taste of my talents he’d be ecstatic that he never boned any of those A.K.C. registered bowsers that the show presented him with!

    Marry ME Jake!!!!!

    If you think the idiocy you experienced on the show made you roll your eyes back in your head, just wait until you see what I can do to make them roll back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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