Gay pirates threaten sanctity of traditional peer-to-peer networks

A lawsuit was recently filed charging that 53 users of the popular bittorrent file sharing service were actually, in fact, pirating gay pornography. I’ve always suspected pirates were gay — with the puffy shirts, decorative birds and movies featuring Orlando Bloom, but this was the first time I had hard evidence that pirates actually are gay.

Gay pirates sully the traditional use for the Internet: straight porn. Just knowing that somewhere out there a gay pirate getting his “timbers shivered” via a viewing of You’ve Got Male diminishes the sanctity of my own screening of Buffy the Vampire Layer.

It’s “peer-to peer” not “queer-to-queer.” That rhymes, so it’s probably true.

About John Marcotte

John Marcotte is a firm believer in traditional family values. He currently opposes government-funded death panels, Obama talking to children and MSNBC's entire prime-time line-up.
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12 Responses to Gay pirates threaten sanctity of traditional peer-to-peer networks

  1. Conscientious reader says:

    I really disapprove of this gay-internet-porning thing. Whatever they wish to do with their lives is fine, as long as they do it in private, not the public forum that is the Internet.

    Ever since I heard about this I’ve been living in fear that my poor innocent child will accidentally come across some gay porn as he is doing his God given right to go to porn websites during his leisure time. I know his fragile psyche won’t be able to handle it.

  2. Chris says:

    The problem, is gay folks dont download gay porn. The straight married closet cases do, this is a fact. Utah has more gay porn downloaded then any other state. Why? Closets are very full in that state – - Real straight men support Gay rights because they are not affraid of their own sexual identity. Its absolutely proven that men who are insecure are leading the fight against homosexuality. Why else would they care. The women are fearful of losing their husbands are also the ones fighting. Honest to goodness real straight people dont fear, they support.

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  4. Russell says:

    But lesbian porn is so good.

  5. Shelly Champaign says:

    Oh dear :(
    Is someone being ignorant?

    I think conscientious reader needs a wake up call since the roman times. its been around forever and simply happens. gay is gay. strait is strait. lesbian is lesbian. Bi is Bi. Its all perfectly fine and know one else’s business. Porn is a marketing business therefore people make money off of gay porn to. Learn to deal and quit being so prissy saying it shouldn’t be on the internet. If thats your logic then I don’t wanna see strait porn. And FYI your child is not innocent if he loves porn sites in his leisure time LOL! wise up a little

  6. 'Dirty' South says:

    Shelly, I don’t think that Conscientious was being serious. There’s this little-known thing called sarcasm. You should check it out sometime… IT’LL BE SO COOL YOU’LL BE LIKE, ‘OH EM GEE!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!’

  7. Thomas from SF says:

    After seeing two posterboys like the ones pictured at the top of the article, who WOULDN’T want to be a gay pirate?

  8. Zorexx says:

    Better check the expiry date on your sanity. I think its gone off.

  9. Che says:

    “Marriage between a man and a woman is not a religious construct but a natural institution found across all cultures and religions. Marriage is a unique kind of sexually complementary union with a natural orientation to life.”
    married heterosexual couples who are infertile still have more right to marriage because “their lovemaking is designed to give life”.
    “Allowing two men or two women to marry would involve a fundamental change in our understanding of marriage, from a life-giving and sexually complementary union to a personal, romantic relationship with no true communion or connection to procreation,”

    • Thomas from SF says:

      You are doing the same darned thing a TON of people in the religious right are doing when they conflate LEGAL marriage with MARRIAGE. You get “married” in a church, in front of God and all of your loved ones. The best you can get out of a LEGAL marriage is a domestic partnership agreement with a fancy name. The only reason gays want LEGAL marriage is because no other civil union or domestic partnership agreement available in the U.S. has the same basket of goodies in it that LEGAL marriage does. Very necessary goodies that sometimes leaves the couples who can’t get them quite devastated. I recently heard of a case where after a 20 year relationship, the dead boyfriend’s family took everything that the couple had, right down to the couple’s entire wardrobe, leaving the surviving boyfriend without ANYTHING…because they’d both paid for everything, and the family thought that everything that was 50% paid for by their dead guy was automatically theirs. And before you think that he could get any of it back in court, there are two problems with that: 1) you can’t always do that in the South or the Midwest. Judges can be homophobes too. 2) The family did this evil thing for the stuff, but just as much, they did it for the hate. Whatever they couldn’t sell, they gave away. I really don’t care how you feel about marriage being opened up to the gays. Until you can get the name of all LEGAL marriages changed to civil unions, marriage is what you have to allow for all couples, for their protection. Don’t even get me started about the kids getting snatched away by the grandparents after an untimely death. There are so many ways to look at the issue where real people are getting really hurt in a way that completely reeks of injustice if you have any nose to smell it at all.

    • Coxhere says:

      Surely you jest, right? The Roman Catholic Cult might try to convince us that every sex act MUST be motivated by a procreation-drive. But as in everything else that the Cult pontificates, this is pure nonsense. Hetros that participate in anal sodomy (and love it, by the way) are NOT trying to produce babies! Most sex, regardless of what type, is for fun. If you don’t think so, you need to lighten up. Chill out! Either that or become a self-loathing, closet-case by becoming a Cult priest. Oh, except if you are a penis-less female. The Cult doesn’t like you if that’s the case, and so you absolutely cannot be a priest.

  10. Thomas from SF says:

    Oh yes, quick follow-up to the last post. About 10% of gay couples and 25% of lesbian couples have at least one kid. Whether or not you approve, that’s about how many there are. This is despite having really piss-poor protections for their families due to lack of marriage. “Marriage is a unique kind of sexually complementary union with a natural orientation to life,” you said. Sounds to me like there is plenty of procreative life in gay and lesbian families, and by wanting to deny their parents LEGAL marriage, you are hurting those families AND THOSE KIDS. I dunno about you, but I think of people who want to hurt kids as…monsters. Raise your own consciousness please. Find out all the ways that kids of LGBT’s are hurt by lack of legal marriage, and change your mind. We’re not trying to get married in your church, we’re just looking for rights of survivorship, hospital visits, reciprocal medical guardianship over all the kids in the family, tax stuff, the list goes on…to something over a thousand. Straight people who get married are not getting one single “special right”. They are getting over a thousand special rights, as well as some special responsibilities. The same special rights and responsibilities that ANY long-term relationship really needs to flourish safely.

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