Desperately tries to repeal gay marriage before he is forced to bang another staffer.
Newt Gingrich, a man who believes so strongly in traditional marriage that he has tried it three times, has waged a desperate and clandestine war to repeal gay marriage in Iowa. The twice-divorced former Speaker of the House, who currently lives with a woman 23 years his junior that he was banging behind his second wife’s back while frothing at the mouth about Bill Clinton’s blowjob, funneled $200,000 to groups seeking to unseat Iowa’s pro-gay marriage Supreme Court justices – including $125,000 to the virulently anti-gay “American Family Association.”
A spokesman for Gingrich confirmed that the dough-faced pundit had become increasingly concerned that if gay people were allowed to marry, he would have no choice but to seek out a IHOP waitress and foist his pasty white man-flesh upon her while his third wife and children look on in abject horror.
“It’s a real possibility,” said an unnamed Gingrich insider. “He served his first wife with divorce papers while she was still recovering in the hospital from cancer. Jesus Christ, if he was willing to do that to her then, imagine what he’ll do if two gay men are allowed to live together in a committed, loving relationship? Farm animals might be involved.”
And I thought America was supposed to be the land of the free.
A Newt is a small green reptile that preferes to swim in muddy water.
The name says it all.
Martyn
John Marcotte is brilliant! He is a master at illustrating the extreme hypocrisy of the extreme right and all of its neoconservative, fundamentalist, ANTI-AMERICAN, fascist nut-jobs. Thanks John.
Nik, only if you go along with the flow of the majority. For those in the minority, tough luck. [/sarcasm]
Newt has 3-family values.
Are you sure this ugly @sshole has only been hetro-married only 3 times? Oh, yeah, that’s right: f*cking all those other penis-less humans does not equate to hetro, marriage inequality. Those are merely situations of adultery. But they’re still great as long as procreation was the motivation and the intent.