Newt Gingrich, a man who believes so strongly in traditional marriage that he has tried it three times, has waged a desperate and clandestine war to repeal gay marriage in Iowa. The twice-divorced former Speaker of the House, who currently lives with a woman 23 years his junior that he was banging behind his second wife’s back while frothing at the mouth about Bill Clinton’s blowjob, funneled $200,000 to groups seeking to unseat Iowa’s pro-gay marriage Supreme Court justices – including $125,000 to the virulently anti-gay “American Family Association.”

A spokesman for Gingrich confirmed that the dough-faced pundit had become increasingly concerned that if gay people were allowed to marry, he would have no choice but to seek out a IHOP waitress and foist his pasty white man-flesh upon her while his third wife and children look on in abject horror.

“It’s a real possibility,” said an unnamed Gingrich insider. “He served his first wife with divorce papers while she was still recovering in the hospital from cancer. Jesus Christ, if he was willing to do that to her then, imagine what he’ll do if two gay men are allowed to live together in a committed, loving relationship? Farm animals might be involved.”

Aging CNN talk-show legend Larry King is in the doghouse after explosive allegations surfaced that he bedded the beautiful younger sister of his wife of 13 years.

King, 76, filed for divorce from his seventh wife, Shawn Southwick, 50, in a Los Angeles court yesterday in the wake of the eye-popping allegations. It’s the suspenders-wearing chatmeister’s eighth trip to splitsville, as he divorced one of his wives twice.

…

The constant warring between Larry and Southwick got so intense, it erupted into a slap-fest outside a Beverly Hills restaurant on Feb. 7, Radar reported.

Source: Fox News

Given his history, it’s not surprising that Larry King would get divorced again. What is surprising is the lack of response from the traditional marriage establishment. There have been no public condemnations from the National Organization for Marriage, the Catholic Church or the Latter Day Saints — three organizations that have spent millions of dollars protecting traditional marriage from the evils of gayness.

Perhaps NOM was too busy waging its $500,000 war against Republican Senate candidate Tom Campbell who supports gay marriage to chime in.

Still you think at least one of those groups would be able to take a few moments to point out that Larry is on the express train to hell. Sometimes, it almost feels like they don’t even care.

Money is something our state has precious little of. Recent estimates have projected a state budget gap of more than $20 billion. Even with a rigorous program of slashing taxes and ending social services for the poor, it is doubtful that the budget gap could be eliminated anytime soon. That’s where we come in.

The fine folks at the Institute for American Values conducted fair and balanced research into the real cost of divorce for California and came up with $4.8 billion annually as a conservative estimate. When divided by the population of the state that breaks down to $133.74 for every man, woman or child – enough for 26 “Super-Sized” value meals annually. We can’t afford that kind of waste.

Even the Legislative Analyst’s Office admits that our initiative banning divorce would provide “savings to the state of up to hundreds of millions of dollars annually for support of the court system due to the elimination of divorce proceedings.”

So the question isn’t “Should we ban divorce?” The question is “Can we afford not to?”

It is truly a blessing from God when your wife can walk in on you watching an Internet video and it actually moves you further from divorce, rather than closer to it.

PSA #1

PSA #2

We are doing our best to keep up, but we can’t keep relying on the Duggar family. Eventually, that woman will simply run out of eggs to fertilize. And strategies such as promoting “abstinence only” sex education and distributing Jagermeister and slutty Halloween costumes to our nation’s universities are just stopgap measures at best.

So getting a divorce not only makes the baby Jesus cry, it also threatens our very national security.

Wedding cake topper courtesy of "Helen Rose Studio"

I recently became aware of a vexing moral dilemma: a judge in Indiana is refusing to grant a married lesbian couple a divorce because the state does not officially recognize same-sex marriages. This forces gay people to remain together — in violation of traditional values. But on the other hand it prevents them from getting divorced — upholding traditional values.

Like so many of life’s moral quandries, I put this one in the hands of the Lord:

Jesus never even mentioned homosexuals or homosexual behavior — rightfully knowing that we would all assume that he felt being gay was a mortal sin, even if he never, y’know, said anything. But He clearly stated that divorce is a sin: “What God has joined together, let no man separate.”

So while it is obvious that being gay is sinful, it appears that Jesus felt that getting divorced was an even larger sin. On that basis, I think gay people who happened to get legally married will have no choice but to remain married forever. But since being gay is also sinful, I think that “married” homosexual couples should sleep in separate beds and refrain from having sex – just like real married couples.

Equality at last.

George W. Bush with unnamed turkey

Was President George W. Bush’s presidency really the cataclysmic and unmitigated disaster that it seemed to be? Could his administration really have been as devoid of any basic competency, ethical standards or intellectual curiosity as it appeared? As Bush himself was fond of saying, “Let history be the judge.”

For instance, the subprime mortgage crisis was seen be many liberal critics as a “small misstep” or a “near-complete collapse of our entire economic system.” But as time has gone by, I think that history has proven that Bush was smarter than you would initially think based on his permanent, vapid, deer-in-the-headlights looks and inability to clearly articulate human thought.

But since the economy tanked under Bush’s watch, divorce rates have plummeted nationwide, according to Associated Content

Per Center of Disease Control National Center for Health Statistics data, the numbers of divorce filings have plunged, or are roughly the same in every single state from the 2006-2008 period that mirrors U.S. recession. The statistics are remarkable, considering United States population growth continues to explode. Interestingly, divorce filings have been slashed by one-third in Massachusetts, Connecticut, and New York – northeastern states with heavy exposure to the financial industry that has been battered by today’s credit debacle.

Bush was so committed to traditional values, that he was willing to run the entire country into the ground in order to protect the institution of marriage.

God bless you, George W. Bush.

Jon and Kate Gosselin continue their march towards the dissolution of their marriage without any regard for their eight children, who obviously would have been better off if their parents had stayed in a loveless marriage where Kate acted like an unbalanced harpy and Jon grew increasingly passive-aggressive to counter her shrillness.

The new arrangement where Kate goes on extended book tours and Jon dresses like a douchebag and hits on 20-year-olds is clearly harming the children, who stay at home with a nanny that they more than likely call “mom.”

Thankfully, the Duggar family of 18 Kids and Counting fame has announced intentions to produce at least eight more children in the next three years to counter the effects of Jon and Kate’s attack on traditional values. The new additions to the Duggar family are expected to go to church, respect traditional values and dress like extras from Little House on the Prarie.

Good news for the eight kids of Jon Gosselin and his estranged wife, Kate — the stars of “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ have made some progress in their divorce negotiations.

Jon’s lawyers had given Kate a deadline to explain where she put $80,000 from TLC that Jon claimed had “gone missing” when they announced their separation in June.

Then Jon and Kate bought themselves new cars to celebrate the split — and each blamed the other for blowing too much cash.

(full article)

This will be the third time that he or his wife have filed for divorce, as their previous attempts to destroy the institution have thus far failed.

Listing the reason as “irreconcilable differences,” the divorce papers dated Aug. 12 and filed in Marin County, Calif., state that “both parties have already agreed to [shared] custody” of their son Hopper Jack, 16, and that “the estranged couple have already agreed to division of all property.” Their daughter, Dylan Frances, is 18.

The couple has been together since 1989 and were married in 1996, but it’s been a tumultuous relationship. Sean Penn has filed for divorce twice already, and the couple had reconciled again just last May.
(full article)