With a record like that, it’s no wonder that the liberal media elitists have targeted Rekers after it was discovered that he hired a gay male escort to accompany him on a 10-day tour of Europe. It seems that Reverend Rekers had some recent surgery, and needed help with his bags, so he turned to the website rentboy.com to rent a boy as a “travel assistant.” That’s where he found Jo-Vanni Roman, whose profile describes his “smooth, sweet, tight ass” and “perfectly built 8 inch cock (uncut).” (This type of  information is actually needed to get a visa to visit Belgium.)

Roman (pictured above not helping with the bags) stated that he had engaged in naked massage sessions with Rekeres — perfectly understandable as Rekers no doubt needed some physical therapy after his surgery. Rekers stated that he “shared his Christian faith” with Jo-Vanni.

We here at RescueMarriage want to go on record as stating that we absolutely believe Rekers that someone was on their knees and someone else was yelling “Oh God! Oh God!” at some point during the trip.

Rekers has actually testified in two different states that homosexuals should not be allowed to adopt children because they might molest them. If the adoptive father of three truly believed that gays adopt to molest, and he was discovered to be a closeted, self-hating gay man with a penchant for young boys, he would be one of the creepiest, hypocritical bastards ever to walk the earth.

And that obviously isn’t true. If he was gay, he knew how to just pray it away. He literally wrote the book on the subject.

Pat Robertson understands traditional values — perhaps better than anyone else. The conservative evangelical founder of the 700 Club knows that women should submit to their husbands, that God thinks that assassinating foreign leaders is OK and that evangelical Christians in the liberal United States are just like Jews in Nazi Germany.*

But Pat is a tolerant man. He spoke of the redemptive quality of God’s love when confronted with the evils of men having their timbers shivered by Jack Sparrow at Disney World during “Gay Days.”

I would warn Orlando that you’re right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don’t think I’d be waving those flags in God’s face if I were you, This is not a message of hate — this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It’ll bring about terrorist bombs; it’ll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor.

It is precisely because of Pat’s stronger-than-average grasp of traditional values, that I was thrilled to find out that we were the lead news story on Pat’s Christian Broadcast Network! I was so excited that I could have kissed Pat — and maybe taken him for a trip on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.

*All real Pat Robertson positions

Jesus says getting divorced is a sin:

Mark 10:9-11

9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this.
11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.
12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.

Interestingly, Jesus never once even mentioned homosexuals or homosexual behavior. I assume this was some sort of clerical oversight that will be rectified during the end of days as described in the Book of Revelation.  Perhaps during Satan’s 1,000 year reign. I’ll get back to you on that one.