One of the many hot, gay Mexicans ready to steal our traditional marriages.

As the supporters of Proposition 8 so astutely pointed out, gay people getting married destroys the sanctity of existing straight marriages. And although we successfully stemmed the tide of marriage-destroying gay unions here in California, CNN is reporting that, by a vote of 39 to 20, Mexico City’s legislative assembly revised the city’s civil code to permit same-sex marriages.

We are fully engaged fighting the menace of divorce within, we can’t afford to be distracted by a burgeoning population of happily married gay couples looking to penetrate our southern border and taint our innocence.

That’s why I am proposing that we build a rainbow-colored wall to keep out the inevitable flood of gay Mexican couples who will come up here and take traditional marriages away from hard-working Americans. It will be a difficult task, though. For one thing, who do you think will build and/or decorate that wall?

Argument is the worst sort of conversation.

He’s wrong of course. One of the great things about arguments is that you can win — especially if you’re arguing with a man that has been dead for more than 275 years. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Swift! What? No witty comeback? “Foremost prose satirist in the English language” my ass.

At any rate, we’ve set up forums for you to more easily converse with your fellow site visitors. Hopefully that’s a bit easier to manage than writing back and forth in the comments section of the posts.

RescueMarriage.org Forums

Because they know what the American people want, Mike and Courtney included footage from the Wedding March on the Capitol and an extensive interview with RescueMarriage.org founder John Marcotte.

It’s a good time to make a movie about traditional marriage, because once the initiative passes, the only place you’ll be able to find divorce will be the History Channel.

Check out their Web site or follow them on Facebook.

Money is something our state has precious little of. Recent estimates have projected a state budget gap of more than $20 billion. Even with a rigorous program of slashing taxes and ending social services for the poor, it is doubtful that the budget gap could be eliminated anytime soon. That’s where we come in.

The fine folks at the Institute for American Values conducted fair and balanced research into the real cost of divorce for California and came up with $4.8 billion annually as a conservative estimate. When divided by the population of the state that breaks down to $133.74 for every man, woman or child – enough for 26 “Super-Sized” value meals annually. We can’t afford that kind of waste.

Even the Legislative Analyst’s Office admits that our initiative banning divorce would provide “savings to the state of up to hundreds of millions of dollars annually for support of the court system due to the elimination of divorce proceedings.”

So the question isn’t “Should we ban divorce?” The question is “Can we afford not to?”

We bound people with chains of love, while freeing their hearts to explore the confines of the marriage they can never, ever leave.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

The strength of my arguments remains unchallenged as I managed to convert communist sympathizer Keith Olbermann to our cause. We shouldn’t be too lavish with our praise, though, as Olbermann merely confirmed what I already knew.

I’m awesome.

(P.S. – It was also my birthday. Best. Present. Ever.)

It is truly a blessing from God when your wife can walk in on you watching an Internet video and it actually moves you further from divorce, rather than closer to it.

PSA #1

PSA #2

On November 14, 2009, thousands of Californians will be united in a common cause as we march on the state capitol building to demand a return to traditional values as part of our petition kick-off event.

We will assemble in Cesar Chavez park, reclaiming it from its Marxist heritage, then march the three blocks to the capitol building. Once there, there will be speakers and our signature event — a mass renewal of wedding vows on the steps of the capitol, reminding the legislators within that God said you should cling to your wife, and that anyone who suggests otherwise deserves a spanking.

RSVP for this events and find other RescueMarriage.org members from your neighborhood on the RescueMarriage.org Meetup page!

Map

View Wedding March on the Capitol in a larger map

Both entries had some funny slogans, but both were lacking a bit in the “design” portion of the t-shirt design contest. So I slaved over a hot PC the past few days and came up with some new designs of my own. The two guys who worked hard to get me some designs will each get a classic RescueMarriage t-shirt, or some swag to be determined later.

The first shirt design is a tribute to the “little fillies” in our lives and their determination to hold on tight with both legs as their marriage bucks and thrusts beneath them.

The Matrimony Pony

The second design is the official event shirt for The Wedding March on the Capitol.

The Wedding March on the Capitol

Both of these designs will be available on a variety of clothing and other items in the next few days.

We are doing our best to keep up, but we can’t keep relying on the Duggar family. Eventually, that woman will simply run out of eggs to fertilize. And strategies such as promoting “abstinence only” sex education and distributing Jagermeister and slutty Halloween costumes to our nation’s universities are just stopgap measures at best.

So getting a divorce not only makes the baby Jesus cry, it also threatens our very national security.